A Moment In Lockdown - Understanding And Improving Self-awareness

Updated: Oct 18, 2022

A Moment In Lockdown -

My stories are my way of sharing with you my struggles, ups and downs, laughs and struggles through my life. It is like a book, unfinished as there is still a future to write.

This post is a reflection back at a moment during lockdown where I made progress on my own personal realisation. Personal development on understanding the root causes of my feelings are always ongoing as they are for anyone whether they are anxiety related or triggers of emotions for example.

Basically in this blog post I am using self reflection as one of the same principles I would apply in counselling but delivering them to myself which I am happy to share with you. As I always say I am only human and if I had not experienced personal losses, stresses, financial implications and other life tragedies then I would not be able to empathise with you.

To use my own personal self reflection and use this to improve my own awareness relating to my own experiences in day-to-day situations. I could keep a journal or diary to note my self reflection - like a blog. Like this blog. Maybe it's something you could use to help you become more self aware.

It's 2021….

….Lockdown has seriously impacted once again on our finances, relationships, mental health, wellbeing and finding ways to cope with situations we face on top so I have decided to start writing down my feelings and experiences during this unpredictable time.

26/1/21 - Home Schooling -

Home schooling has brought back many memories and feelings, not just from the last lockdown and self isolating home schooling experiences over the last year, but my time as a teacher too. And I can't say I was in a happy place then either. I feel once again judged, as if I am the teacher being looked upon at what my children are achieving or how they are progressing. We are being set undifferentiated work by teachers online who pass the buck by using an external company to deliver the tasks that have no consistency to them.

(This was a trigger, A trigger, sometimes referred to as a stressor, is an action or situation that can lead to an adverse emotional reaction. In my case it was triggering memories of past negative experiences that are usually kept at bay, but when triggered cause emotional distress if not managed affectively)

I feel like I am back in school with the worry and fear of failure, no one to turn to, communication is limited and left in the dark until it's too late. Before Christmas Sophie's (my daughter) teacher spoke to me over the phone about her concerns about her progress, not achieving her age related expectations.

I want my children to do well, but there is so much pressure on them to achieve the school's expectations. Then the kids and parents are then pulled down by not achieving enough. Today’s maths in year 2 was a joke, an online teacher who rushed, expects a 6/7 year old to understand the terminology she is using and does not explain herself enough for the average Joe to understand. The result was give up, and I responded with cognitive distortions that were definitely something that I need to manage at that time as I had a tendency to react to things with verbal responses that are almost like an autopilot response. Then they tended to impact on my feelings and emotions. I know that I had become more self aware of some of these and had developed ways to manage them in the past but there was still a lot of improvement that i could apply to deal with my inaccurate thoughts that lead to unnecessary emotions, feelings and moods.

So after hair pulling, tantrums and a bunch of verbal emotions I let my feelings get the better of me and told myself I can't cope with this. But once I pulled myself together, took a more midful approach and meditated for a moment, I managed to plan, organise and deliver my own lesson that achieved an understanding from my daughter and put a smile on her face. Otherwise we would have had some screwed up paper and a child who won't respond or participate because the activity set and delivered was not differentiated or set to her level of understanding.

Screw you lockdown!

I am better than this and you won't pull me down. I am in control of my feelings and won't let you tell me otherwise. I believe in myself and my ability to do better.

I don't think I had ever considered how my career and life would evolve or even become a counsellor, but I do believe that if you haven't experienced therapy then you can't become a therapist. So here I am in 2022 building my career in a new direction for the better, for myself, my own wellbeing and for my family.

So let's work together and support each other. Your venture is mine.

I hope you enjoy reading my story, and look out for the next article. One step at a time.

I'm Simon, Counselling Therapist at Mind and Therapy - Loughborough

www.mindandtherapy.co.uk

Call Simon on 07905657229

mindandtherapy@gmail.com